What "Skinny People" Don't Realize

It’s been quite some time since I’ve written. My journey has had some ups and downs the last while including a painful divorce and in turn gaining a little weight back. I’m happy to report that I got back on the wagon and am currently 254 lbs. The focus of my mentality of this has changed dramatically, however.

We’ve all heard the generalizations of fat people. They are lazy. They just eat more than they move. Some think we are less intelligent. We cannot do what others can because the weight will hold us back. The thing that the people who generalize us do not realize is that fat people are more beautiful than you can imagine. (disclaimer… I am not generalizing all skinny people with the title… just the ones who generalize, haha J )

Growing up I experienced some childhood trauma. I’m not going to go into it as it is very personal to me, but I remember trying to tell my mom about it. My mom is a good woman, I don’t want anyone to feel that I am bashing her – as all moms, we just do the best we can. When I tried to tell my mom this horrible thing, I believe she didn’t want to believe it. In turn, I remember being in trouble for saying such a horrible “lie”. I started gaining weight then. The nature of the trauma was physical, and I was not going to be used or devalued for my body. I wanted to make sure people knew me. It also started a battle with perfectionism. Trying to be good enough, trying to be the person no one thought would lie to them, trying to be the one that others could confide in and I could lend support. 

Why are fat people so funny? To make up for their weight with personality? Why are fat people generally nice? To make up for their body? Or is it because many people who are overweight have experienced severe pain. They cope differently than others. They are kind because they know what it feels like to not be valued for their heart and show empathy to those experiencing trauma in their own lives. We are beautiful because of the horrible refining moments both leading to weight gain, and because of the weight gain. We understand life and appreciate what truly matters on a level so deep it has become embedded in our souls. We’ve seen disappointment, heartache, trauma, abuse, generalizations, beating of our value- yet in turn appreciate so much beauty. We know souls are tender and worth loving. We are grateful for nature and a beautiful walk. We praise the success of anyone who puts their heart and soul into something or even try and help celebrate the experience or hold someone when failed.

I am saddened to live in a world where we are trained to hate our bodies. We live in a world where our value is determined by a number on the scale. We can try again and again every diet in the world, but until we realize a couple things- we will not have success:

1)      Weight-loss is not a simple numbers game. It seems so simple, and yes, I’ve found some success in the fact that to lose weight you must burn more calories than you consume. It is an emotional process. For many of us, emotions got us to where we were. Stuffing them in quite literally to numb or not address the root of it all.  Until the root of the gain is addressed, you will be fighting a faceless battle you cannot win.  I’ve found with me that it is SO much easier to lose when there is a strong EMOTIONAL support not only for the damage that has been done, but the changes that are happening. You’ve had this body for how long? Losing weight makes you feel exposed and vulnerable and seen to a degree you haven’t experienced before and that is scary- ESPECIALLY when we have been hiding something in our soul such as pain. Everyone keeps telling me how it’s a mentality- yes to a degree- but really it is so very much more emotional than anyone realizes.

2)    I love my body. This has been a hard one to grasp. As I said before, we are in a world where we are trained to hate our bodies. “I hate that I am so fat.” “I hate the way my hips are.” “I hate the wrinkles on my face.” “I hate that I don’t have the boobs and shape someone else does.” I hate, I hate, I hate. Listen friends… along with the emotional part comes LOVE. When people say you have to love yourself first, sometimes the words go in one ear and out the other. When I think about how I wish I could be thin and what I want to be like… yes… great goals…. But when I pause and think about it… I LOVE my body. This body has seen me through EVERYTHING. From being there when the crash of trauma and weight gain started and it seems that your relationship is with food that you have a hard time with… no… your body has been there for you. It works out with you. My body grew my child, and takes me to work. It undergoes so much pain and torment through the years, yet always literally gets up and is there for me. When we say we need to love ourselves, or we need to do it for ourselves, yes it’s true. But also- think of your body as a friend who has always been there for you. We generally want to give to those people and love and nurture and support those who have been there for us. Well… my body has always been here for me. It’s time that I show it some love, not because I hate the way it looks, but because it has been through a lot and deserves to be shown some kindness.

I recently had a conversation with a friend that blew me away. So often we see similarities between ourselves and the people we are close with to the point that we assume we feel the same on many matters. My friend told me once that if I lost the weight, THEN I would be the complete package. Then again most recently, this friend and I went more in depth in the conversation and it was eluded that my value was less because of my body. For someone with a tender heart and sees beauty in people, this was very hard to swallow. I truly believe people are beautiful or not because of their souls, not physical appearances. Yes, some things are more attractive than others for immediate judgement- but once you truly get to know a person, that is when the beauty or the beast really shines making them overall beautiful or well… beastly.

To sum it up? What is it “skinny” people don’t know? I’m not lazy. I can do anything I put my mind to. I am BEAUTIFUL. My soul has seen a lot of crap and in turn recognizes and shines the wonderful things in this world. I am NOT less valuable as a person because of my body. I’m intelligent. I LOVE my body, it has always been there for me. I LOVE people not to try and make up for something I lack, but because I’ve grown accustomed to see their beauty and add to the good things in this world. My heart is tender and my soul is good. I make jokes because I’m happy and love to spread joy. I know what matters. I love me… and I am worth it.