I've had this conversation more than once with friends in the last few weeks and have felt I should make a post on it. The problem is I've been contemplating the whole time exactly how to put it into words, so please bare with me.
I've found some success in recent weightloss. Currently at about 60 pounds lost, (believe me, I know I'm not done- well between 60-100 more pounds to go! Yowzers!), so I've had the question brought to me by some- "how are you doing it?".
I've never been one to really believe in a specific diet/weightloss plan like "have you tried this shake?" or "if I only eat this soup for 3 weeks" or try this oil or powder, or drink... etc, etc, etc. I'm a believer of calories in vs out. I'm a believer in hard work. I'm a believer that there are no such things as quick fixes or easy ways out of things. So if that is the case and those things work, why haven't I had success before?
I've really been working on some introspect lately. I am also a believer that most weight gain is NOT because we are lazy. I believe there are generally emotional issues that lead us to self sabotage our true potential of being the best versions of ourselves we can be. We can't win a faceless battle. That being said- until we truly understand the reasoning behind our weight gain, we can't win the loss.
As women, or even all people, but let's face it- women are worse... we are always serving others. We have kids to take care of, friends, church callings, family, (some of us have husbands). We run from place to place and sometimes find victory in the fact that we managed to get out of sweats that day and put on some makeup. We drop everything for those we care about and in turn find ourselves exhausted and no time for ourselves. We end up staring forward blankly on the couch at night in a daze, slowly putting a chip in our mouths and trying to muster up the energy to go do a batch of dishes or a load of laundry before crawling into bed.
Why do we try so hard? Why do we compete with the Jones' and measure ourselves against a standard of only good things, not struggles we see in others? What are we trying to prove? Do we secretly hope for the pat on the back and the "oh my gosh, you are so amazing, if only I could be a fraction of what you are"? Let's face it- we all like validation for our hard work and appreciation shown for it, right? Keep this in the back of your mind, I will come back to it.
Through the years, I've heard time and time again that you have to love yourself first in order to give more to others. What the freak does that even mean?? Right? When we are by nature ones that serve and give to others, putting yourself first, to me, seemed a little selfish. Not what I'm "suppose" to do. I can put myself first AFTER I bake cookies for the neighbor who just had surgery, or after I run my kid to a school function, or after work- because, you know.. gotta pay those bills! Saying no to responsibilities and going for a spa day hasn't seemed very practical for a single mom trying to make ends meet... then of course add... try to be dazzling so someone will want to be your team mate in the future.
It didn't hit me what it truly means to love yourself until this last year. It's been quite a journey the last while for me from divorce, new relationships, friendships, life changes, work, raising my kid... but then after some tough conversations and a lot of self analyzing, it finally freaking hit me what it means. No one knows me better than God and myself. I definitely know the efforts I put in, remember? I'm there when I'm alone staring blankly forward talking myself into getting up off the couch. I'm there when I'm running around, I see the things I do or don't do. I know my intentions and that my heart is pure and worth love and understanding. My body has been there too. Through birth, and weight gain, weight loss, going to work, running errands, doing chores.. all of it. If we are so capable of giving so much to others and showing so much love... why are we so hard on ourselves that we don't think we deserve the same? Or why do we put the pressure of it and hope because we give so much love that SOMEONE ELSE would return it to us?
I've found some success because I decided to love myself as I would love a friend. I know I deserve a good friend- we all like support and love from friendships, encouragement. I'm a good person... but I don't have to seek that love from anyone else but myself. (of course I haven't put out of the cards I may just end up with someone in the future.) So often when we try to lose weight or improve an aspect of our lives, it comes from a negative- self loathing part which, in turn, I believe sabotages our successes from the beginning. If you hate something about yourself... well.. lets just say nothing positive comes from a negative mindset.
If my best friend needed help with something, I would put on my listening ears and show love and support. When I raise my child, I know that she can't have too many cookies and be healthy, so I make sure she has the right foods. (why we as adults think we are freaking superman and can defy those laws and have a bunch of cookies but think it won't affect us the same is beyond me). When I promise my friend I will remind them to work out or do something, I do and encourage it telling them they will be happy they did what they set out to do. If they have a bad day I don't degrade them and say they are worthless and a failure. I say... you know what, you're human. Take a day. Pick yourself back up tomorrow and move forward, you can do this! This is what it means to really love yourself. It doesn't mean going to the spa, or pampering yourself all the time. It means treating yourself with the love and respect that you would show anyone else you really care about.
This is how I've found some success and I think it will continue. . . because I'm a loyal friend. I can be counted on. I give. I love. I support. I empathize. I know me. I know I deserve the same that I give others, and realize that I don't have to just "hope" that someone or the force of nature with give me those values back, because I can show it to me. It isn't selfish... it's eye opening. I'm not superhuman that can treat myself like crap, talk down about the things I would change, and then somehow have a positive outcome. Just makes it harder, right? I wouldn't choose to hang around a "friend" like that. So I don't have to be that to me. I've chosen to step out of myself and treat me like a friend. I can help me with watching what and how much I put in my mouth. How much I move and exercise. That hey... I already promised this one friend I would do something for them, so I'm going to have to call you back in a little bit and get to you right after if I can. People... we are worth it. We rock it. Pat yourself on the freaking back and show a little pride.
It's gotten to rambling at this point... I hope I've made my point. We all have good in us. Why would we not allow it to come back to us?
Take care friends!
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